“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12
On this Mother's Day, which is perhaps one of the more unique Mother’s Days in recent history, we still experience effects of distance imposed by the COVID-19 pandemic. However, what is not distant is the importance and significance of mothers in the lives of all they touch. Mothers have a life defined by giving. The Lord declares that we are to honor our mothers. I will readily admit that there are many ways in which mothers can fall short of the ideal. However, I think many times it is easy to forget the incredible sacrifices a mother makes. On this Mother’s Day I want to offer five tributes to a mother’s sacrifice.
The first and most obvious sacrifice is biologically. A mother sacrifices her body. From the moment of conception the mother gives her body to be the host of a new life. Through nine months she deals with the nausea of morning sickness, the ever familiar heartburn, to the sense of becoming larger than her skin can handle (a beached whale was the way my mom described it for my sister). Then finally the discomfort culminates in the agony that we simply call “labor.” Having been on this journey with my wife three times I can honestly say that word falls far short of the experience. Labor has been compared to the hardest experience that human beings can go through and I believe it probably comes close. Calling the experience of childbirth “labor” is like a mouse calling an elephant a big fella. Technically true, but vastly short of the scale involved. But that is not the end; the next months are a whirlwind of sleep deprivation with a constantly demanding newborn who cries at all the worst times. My mom has told me that each of her children gave her a new health problem, but she rapidly follows up that she would trade a perfect body for her kids any day. Moms, for this sacrifice…I honor you!
The second is the area of care. As kids we take care for granted (I know that there are exceptions to this rule and it causes me to weep because I had a wonderful mother who truly did care); my mom was not perfect by any means and I'm not going to put her on a pedestal. There were times that she lost her temper and yelled at us. There were times when we thoroughly deserved the spankings we got. I reflect now as a parent over the joys of the twos and threes where this child you have born, labored for, lost sleep over learns to hit you and tell you “no” again and again in the face of reason and good sense and then try to ignore you some more. I could go on with the fours, fives and others but you get the idea. Through it all mothers press on. I want to also acknowledge the care of mothers that takes place behind closed doors. After the kids are in bed and she hides in the bathroom and cries because she feels like she's failed today. This feeling is often compounded by the fact that she looks on Facebook at the perfect parenting lives of all of the other mothers around her who are busy showcasing their one glimpse of beauty in their full day of chaos. I've talked to a number of mothers but I have rarely found one who felt that they had a handle on things. Usually they feel like they are failing and have no idea how to go forward. And yet they do go forward. In millions of homes across the globe (with fathers, good, bad or indifferent, present or all too often absent), mothers care and press on. Moms, for this sacrifice…I honor you!
The third is the area of dreams. Mothers sacrifice their dreams for their kids. Careers often have to pause, hobbies have to be sidelined, time by yourself is often hard to find, time for social life with other adults is equally scarce. All of these dreams sacrificed to the dream of raising their kids. No mother is perfect and often mothers struggle to do this one gracefully. And yet millions of them do, sacrificing their hopes for the future, their plans for success, all now focused on new dreams for the ones around their ankles. They dare to dream new dreams. Dreams for their children, prayers for their children, sleep lost for their children. Many mothers dream with God for their children. Praying for them to find Him even when they are far away. It has been noted that Mother's Day is one of the most popular days for church attendance, because there are the mothers still dreaming about their kids with God. Moms, for this sacrifice…I honor you!
The fourth sacrifice is the long-haul. To have a child changes your life forever. Some may need to give their children up for adoption for various reasons. Some may lose them to death. Some may watch them make terrible choices. Some may see their hopes fulfilled. But being a mother is for the long-haul. Even from a distance they still remember their children. Day after day, year after year, through the good times, through the impossible times, mothers continue on. Moms, for this sacrifice…I honor you!
The final thought I have is to answer the question, what makes a mother? Some may say it's biology but I think it's more than that. I say that because there are people who have filled the role of a mother for me who did not give birth to me. But they still had a mother's heart for me. Some may say it is the state of being a female legally responsible for someone, but I think it is more than that. I have a dear mom who gave birth to me and was legally responsible for me growing up. But I had many other mother figures that I thank God for as well. I ultimately believe that to be a mother means to be willing to pour your heart and your dreams into developing a person into what they need to be. It takes sacrifices of many kinds to make a mother. This I believe is symbolized by the term “a mother in Israel” in Scripture (Judges 5:7); a woman who dares to dream God’s dreams for people and pour their hearts into that mission. This is a mantle that is not determined by biological ability but by spiritual tenacity. So my final tribute is to all the many women through my life who have done this for me or who will do this for others. “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates” Proverbs 31:30-31. Moms, above all, for this sacrifice…God honors you!